BRANDED 3:22 Sat Apr 30
giving a stool sample
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My wife has been asked to supply a stool sample to her doctor. The doctor said that lots of people put clibg film over the toilet in order to catck the shit.
1. You onky need a small sample
2. What would you do with the excess shit and clingfilm?
3. What happens if you have an exploder with the clingfilm in place?
4. What other strategies would you recomnend?
Thanks in advance
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
BillyBondsBirthday
7:27 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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I had to do this for annual medical. Put Evening Standard pages into the bowl to catch it and then extract sample with cardboard they provided.
Fun was looking for appropriate page from Standard. Much enjoyed depositing onto photo of Redknapp or Lampard.
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eusebiovic
7:00 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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I've always thought that posting on a WHO thread about politics or religion is a bit like providing a stool sample...
It always has the potential to get very messy indeed...
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Brooking_is_GOD
6:51 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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cup your hands tightly....
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Yarmouth
6:50 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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Another method is the shitfinger. Cheap toilet paper, have a poke thru, smear it into the test tube thing and bob's your uncle.
Bonus being you can sniff it all day if you box clever.
Done deal.
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DukeofDevo
3:19 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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If you don't like the send in her knickers idea, try watching the helpful video 'Two girls one cup' for some guidance!
No thanks required!
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Helmut Shown
2:49 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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I found using a supermarket plastic bag. You put you cock through one of the handles close your legs and pull the bag open forming a triangular hole to shit in.
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DukeofDevo
2:24 Mon May 2
Re: giving a stool sample
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Just tell her to send in a pair of her knickers!
Boom boom I'm here all week!
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Schoffie
9:21 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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I had to one once, put in a carrier bag, nurse gave me a right funny look..
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lab
10:05 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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Do a dump as normal , hook a tiny bit out with a kebab stick. Place in pack provided. Apology for a sensible answer.
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Tomshardware
9:38 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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I had to give a stool sample once, the results came back that it had wood worm.
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NigelKhazi
9:29 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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Madagascar Jeff and Erith Jeff sound like they could be the same person!
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worm
3:03 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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Another cracking story, chim. Sat here in the dark giggling :)
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chim chim cha boo
1:13 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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When I was in the tropical diseases hospital in UCH there was a right smelly geezer from Madagascar called Jeff. He was reasonably young, always had a snotty nose and an immense stomach which was due to him having a parasitic illness in his gut.
He was really fucking grubby, had a whiney voice and did the loudest farts you've ever heard. A couple of times they were loud enough to wake me up in the middle of the night. Just looking at him gave me the hump. I used to call him the Madagascan pumping rat.
One day the nurse came in and asked him to go to the toilet and collect a stool sample. She gave him a test-tube with a screw-down lid and on the underside of the lid was attached a long handled little spoon. You did your shit, unscrewed the lid and dipped the spoon in the shit, took a little bit and carefully put it back in the tube and screwed it back up. Pretty simple.
Off he pops to the kharzi and the nurse stood there waiting for him. Now you must understand that you have to be a special kind of nurse to work in the tropical diseases ward as you are dealing with flesh-eating and parasitic worms all day. It's fucking horrible and the most depressing time I've ever had in hospital.
Back comes Jeff and goes to hand the stool sample to this nurse. No lid, he's simply held the test-tube up to his arse and shat in it. It's overflowing with his parasitic shit, it's all over his hand and dripping on the floor. He's just held it up for her to take without a care in the world.
I swear to God this poor nurse has looked at his hands and dry-retched about 5 times and ran out of the ward to be sick.
I was too amazed to be disgusted and just shouted 'you fucking dirty little cunt- fuck off and flush that down the toilet and get that shit off your fucking hands'.
He sort of shrugged and walked off and I went about moving beds to a side room away from the third-world tramp.
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claret50
12:49 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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A collection kit/s should be provided.
http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/stool-analysis?page=2
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bruuuno
12:41 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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Discus fish aka the king of the aquarium actually soldo
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Mr Polite
12:16 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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My doctor told me I need to provide a stool, blood, urine and semen sample
I just left him a pair of my pants
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Northern Sold
12:10 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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Ha Ha ha... I got it ...because I am a dog owner you think I fuck him up the arse yeah?? Superb....
You got a goldfish bruuuuno son??
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bruuuno
12:06 Sun May 1
Re: giving a stool sample
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Northern Sold 3:23 Sat Apr 30
Re: giving a stool sample
They'd probably find most of your dna up your dogs arse
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dazz
3:42 Sat Apr 30
Re: giving a stool sample
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Used in this context ... stool
what an ugly word
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Takashi Miike
3:29 Sat Apr 30
Re: giving a stool sample
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try a bit of chest tarmaccing with any excess
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boltkunt
3:25 Sat Apr 30
Re: giving a stool sample
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what a load of shit
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